Which pillock invented homework?
Homework is what poor people do because they can’t afford to do “prep” at boarding school, where the idea is to undertake work, supervised by elder students or teachers.
Homework is a stupid game that only continues because teachers are too scared to tell parents that it is utter bollocks.
Homework adds unnecessary time to the teachers’ week and unnecessary stress to family life.
Homework does not, for the purposes of this gratuitous rant, include reading at home. But that doesn’t just mean forcing your child to read contrived shit like phonics led Buff & Chopper novellas. It just means being around books, reading together and parents sharing books they are reading with their kids. Obviously 50 shades of Grey is to be avoided at all costs.
Research shows that for children under 14, any homework other than sharing books with parents, is a total waste of time and an unnecessary intrusion on family life.
The following excuses are used and I will provide the translation out of edubollocks for the uninitiated:
Children benefit from reinforcement tasks at home:
You send home sizeable portions of a tree each week, so that children can complete work they can already do, from which the teacher learns nothing new, but the parents are sedated for another week. You also offer up the perfect opportunity for the parents to undo all the work you have been doing in class by teaching children to partition and add up or subtract correctly, because parents help by teaching the old tried and tested ways.
Homework lets us communicate with parents the kind of work we are studying so that they can support their child:
- There are more efficient ways of communicating with parents than sending home photocopied sheets. Try talking to the bastards. I mean, it is their kid you are looking after after all.
- Some parents don’t give a shit.
- You are not prepared to be on call to answer questions about homework at night, so why the fuck should they bother?
- Some parents are actually more intelligent and better qualified than you. They have their own agenda for what they want their child to learn, start listening to them.
OFSTED expect to see good quality homework:
If “the boys”are looking at your homework in detail, then you are either 1 across the board and they need something to fill their boxes with, OR you are in the shit and they know that homework will be one of the best examples of how shit you are, enabling them to target the other myriad examples of stupidity and shit in your school.
If you had read the research, you would be able to explain to “the boys” exactly why homework is bollocks and why you chose to invest the costs which are (for a 10 class primary)
60 sheets copied at 10p per sheet = £6.00 x 38 weeks = £228 per class = £2280 per year
30 minutes preparing and planning it per teacher = £30 x0.5 x38 x 10 = £5,700 per year
30 minutes marking it so parents don’t complain = £30x 0.5 x 38 x 10 = £5,700 per year.
Homework costs your school £13,680.
And what does it achieve? Fuck all!
SO tell “the boys” why you prefer to spend all that resource on something useful like, maybe teaching the kids something.
Children need homework to prepare themselves for secondary school:
- Not when they are fucking 6 years old they don’t.
- Kids are adaptable – you can teach them that game after year 6 SATs
Arguing for homework is arguing yourself out of a job:
“we need homework to ensure that children make the best progress” – so what you are saying is:
- that your teachers aren’t good enough and you need to prop them up with help from parents,
- that the teachers are so inefficient you can’t deliver your curriculum in the allocated time.
- you know better than parents about how children should be spending their weekends.
If you like homework so much, fuck off and work at Eton. You pompous arse.