Grinch manifesto

This is a whimsical look at some of the lunacy that we as educators sign up to.  A gentle send up of myself and others….Or its the beginning of a radical new ideology for education.  You decide.
  1. The grinch manifesto for primary schools: written feedback – don’t bother
  2. Grinch manifesto for primary schools – circle time : sorry, I’m not holding the squeaky pig – I can’t tell you, it’s not my turn
  3. The grinch manifesto for primary schools : stickers – you can stick ’em….
  4. Grinch manifesto for primary schools : parents – not to be trusted – avoid them
  5. Grinch manifesto for primary schools : wake and shake – we must find another mindless theory to invest in
  6. The grinch manifesto for primary schools : brain gym – see wake and shake
  7. #grinchmanifesto for primary schools – Christmas : a self indulgent waste of time in school – leave it to parents and do more core business
  8. #grinchmanifesto for primary schools – Christmas : a self indulgent waste of time in school – leave it to parents and do more core business
  9. #grinchmanifesto display: just wait til teach meet bett2013 to hear about that
  10. #grinchmanifesto – enrichment weeks will be banned as they imply the rest of the year is not enriching
  11. #grinchmanifesto CPD meetings will be abandoned in favour of the more productive process of watching paint dry
  12. #grinchmanifesto governors : abandoned In favour of head teachers cheerleader troupe
  13. #grinchmanifesto health eating : abandoned – fat kids break less bones and wear the grass out less
  14. #grinchmanifesto reading diaries – abandoned – we shall hold parents accountable for their asparagus consumption instead
  15. #grinchmanifesto homework : children will be encouraged to get a life and celebrate their freedom.
  16. #grinchmanifesto citizenship – taught via croquet, a game of filth & ruthlessness, highlighting the need 2 murder your own granny to get on.
  17. #grinchmanifesto truth – children will only be congratulated for outstanding. Ordinary will be rewarded with indifference
  18. #grinchmanifesto all children should have iPad mini – why? Cos they are shiny and surely must b good 4 learning, I mean everyone’s doing it.
  19. #grinchmanifesto peer evaluation will be encouraged – the blind can lead the blind and mediocrity is to be encouraged
  20. #grinchmanifesto reflection will be renamed as navel gazing – competence as attention seeking
  21. #grinchmanifesto WALTs and WILFs will be encouraged to enable identification of teachers who require electrocution
  22. #grinchmanifesto following constituent feedback, Christmas will begin in October so children can b wound up into a chocolate fuelled frenzy
  23. #grinchmanifesto cups of tea: allowed anywhere in school. Kids will learn to take their chances & how best to ambush a supply teacher
  24. #grinchmanifesto rust nails to be installed in all corridors, lock jaw is a condition to be embraced by all in education
  25. #grinchmanifesto assessment & record keeping: abandoned in favour of the more efficient punishment of trapping teachers fingers in a drawer
  26. #grinchmanifesto sitting nicely will be elevated to a core curriculum subject
  27. #grinchmanifesto creativity will be named a non word and removed from the vocabulary of schools. Replaced by ” do something useful”
  28. #grinchmanifesto the ofjedi will have new grades,1: pompous
    2: if only
    3: lucky
    4: busted
  29. #grinchmanifesto teachers will be encouraged to focus on pointless minutiae and forget about the big picture…..no wait…….
  30. #grinchmanifesto photocopiers will be acknowledged as the centre of the univers and worshiped appropriately with half empty mugs of tea
  31. #grinchmanifesto interactive whiteboards will be renamed as interactive white elephants
  32. RT @ethinking: #grinchmanifesto the ofjedi will have new grades,1: pompous
    2: if only
    3: lucky
    4: busted
  33. #grinchmanifesto 1) digiblu cameras will be inserted into an orifice of the muppet who chose a shit camera cos it was blue
  34. #grinchmanifesto the revised #ofjedi framework has been announced:1: pompous bustards
    2 not busted
    3 nearly busted
    4: busted
  35. #grinchmanifesto the competitive sport of covering the geek in mud will be reintroduced
  36. #grinchmanifesto kids taught by preferred farting style:visual (incontinent)
    auditory( silent but deadly)
    kinaesthetic ( earth moving)
  37. #grinchmanifesto all children should be compelled to recite the 2 ronnies “four candles ” sketch
  38. #grinchmanifesto primary computer suite timetables will from now on be correctly known as works of fiction
  39. #grinchmanifesto photocopiers will be acknowledged as the centre of the univers and worshiped appropriately with half empty mugs of tea
  40. #grinchmanifesto all children will be compelled to recite the following monty python sketches:Ex-parrot
    What have the Romans done for us?
  41. #grinchmanifesto primary computer suite timetables will from now on be correctly known as works of fiction
  42. #grinchmanifesto home school agreements will be abandoned as meaningless trite attempts at imposing wooly liberal values on families
  43. #grinchmanifesto schools should institute the mentality of the great escape and dig at least one tunnel out of school per year
  44. #grinchmanifesto WALT and WILF will be rebranded for the knowledge based curriculum by:We
    All
    Need to
    Know(Think about it)
  45. #grinchmanifesto @lennyvalentino #vle will be deified and go down in history as testament to schools inability to manage meaningful change
  46. #grinchmanifesto a new element of the PE curriculum will be the ministry of funny walks #montypython
  47. #grinchmanifesto assemblies will be rescheduled to 2pm So that All children may listen to the #archers on a daily basis. This is compulsory
  48. #grinchmanifesto all secondary school students will wear prison uniform – face it; they are guilty – we just haven’t caught them yet
  49. #grinchmanifesto schools should erect fences to keep the world out and treat all visitors as potential paedophiles.
  50. #grinchmanifesto SATs abandoned and schools will instead be measured by their ability to teach children to balance a pasty on their nose
  51. #grinchmanifesto a schools position in the league tables will be determined by the grinch through a sealed bid process #brownenvelope
  52. @ethinking is the head a leader of education or simply good at parent PR? #grinchmanifesto
  53. #grinchmanifesto @HGJohn agreed as stated earlier – parents are to be considered the enemy they are cretins
  54. #grinchmanifesto in a policy revision, headteachers will be appointed by a panel of community representatives some of whom should be elected
  55. #grinchmanifesto other subjects now deemed core:Cheese appreciation
    Cake decoration
    Lego
  56. #grinchmanifesto meal time assistants will be acknowledged. In their proper role: warders…and equipped accordingly
  57. #grinchmanifesto school uniform: all shirts will be tucked in at all times. One trouser leg may be rolled up. Odd socks will be compulsory
  58. #grinchmanifesto all children should have a voice. But no one need listen
  59. #grinchmanifesto in order to leave primary school, children must be able to perform the indefensible crane position move from #karatekid
  60. #grinchmanifesto all children must be able to name the 1966 World Cup winning team by the age of 7
  61. #grinchmanifesto the only tablets allowed in schools will be those designed for suppository use
  62. #grinchmanifesto there will be no chairs in school, all stakeholders will sit on one of those big blue gym balls #core curriculum
  63. #grinchmanifesto all male teachers should wear cartoon ties to demonstrate their playful side and help them relate to the children
  64. #grinchmanifesto look, say, cover write, check will b imposed on all children 2 ensure they prove that they worked hard on their spelling
  65. The #grinchmanifesto will never be complete it is an open and transparent consultation process.
  66. #grinchmanifesto essential skill 4 learning & life: coloring in – a national drive 4 even tone, uniform direction & keeping within the lines
  67. @ethinking Don’t you go labelling my son a failure with your keeping inside the lines dogma #grinchmanifesto
  68. #grinchmanifesto children who refuse to keep inside the lines will be tarred and feathered, then sent to room 101 #1989
  69. #grinchmanifesto @HGJohn in light of the #1989 policy, there will be no failures. Or at least they won’t survive long
  70. #grinchmanifesto tests will be taken without preparation, the distribution of marks will b the same, but children get their education back
  71. #grinchmanifesto teachers should dring from tommy tippee mugs with the spout on in order to save children from the minimal risk of scalding
  72. #grinchmanifesto parents evenings will be redesigned and take place in the family home
  73. #grinchmanifesto children should be taught to beg for charity, any attempt to engage in enterprising wealth generation should be condemned
  74. #grinchmanifesto @simfin all mobile phone owners are designated as a risk to children.
  75. #grinchmanifesto children will be expected to spend 5 minutes a day lining up. Twins will ensure 180 hours of queuing r achieved by year 11

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